How to have a baby during graduate school

A warning: I don't do mommy talk. Also, this is no post about what all is wrong with the current system, and what should be but what isn't. I have strong opinions about maternity leave, child care, breastfeeding and so on, however, this post does not deal with those.
Instead, this post is about how to succeed in grad school *and* having a baby for real. It simply deals with how to manage given all the (often stupid) obstacles in place.

So some peeing on a stick was involved, and there's this clear line, - the bun's in the oven. You, hopefully together with your partner, have decided to keep it. However, you are in grad school. You chose a cool research topic, and you love your science. You do not want to drop out, on the opposite, you want to become a rock-star scientist. What now?

The answer is simple: convince your girlfriend to become a stay-at-home wife. Problem solved.

Wait, -uh, you're a woman? Well, that complicates matters, because, you know, stay-at-home husbands are a wee bit rarer than those of the other sex. Damn.

So, because you don't have a penis, you need to plan a bit more. Yes, that's unfair, but since our societies' values and moral compass are unlikely to change during the next nine months, you better have a plan.

So, come up with that plan *before* you tell anyone. Yes, that includes your advisor, colleagues and bff grad-school peers. And, yes, I mean it.
Get your partner to plan with you.

Make a list of stuff you need to do before you give birth. No, I don't mean planning the nursery or buying baby clothes. I mean sciency stuff. Plan to get as much data collection and lab work done during those nine months as you can. Familiarise yourself with health and safety rules. What sort of lab and field work are you allowed to do by law while you're pregnant? For instance, you should make sure to stay away from any ethidium bromide, x-rays and the like. If this seriously compromises your research plan, come up with potential solutions. Are there different methods available? Do you have enough funds for a technician? Are there grants available you could apply to in order to secure the funds? Could you wear gloves when handling kittens? Make that plan, and make sure it's good.

After you've come up with The Plan, think of what would be the worst-case scenario. Come up with Plan B.

Don't be too shy to involve your partner in Plan A and Plan B. You know, he's not going to run around with a big, big belly, but he's in this together with you, so he should man up and be prepared to help you out wherever he can. Maybe he can run those gels for you?

Now you've got two great Plans. That's amazing. But don't rush to tell your advisor yet. You and your partner need another plan, and that one is for *after* the birth. But, I hear you cry, - it's nine months until then! Oh, well.

There are two good reasons to have a Plan and Plan B for after the birth as early as possible:

A) Even though those nine months will feel like forever, you'll be too busy to plan anything until your baby starts college. Trust me. Well, ok, until it starts school, if you're lucky. Why do you think do I post here only irregularly? B) Yes, it's nine months, but many daycare centres and creches have waiting lists even longer than nine months. Especially those close to uni, cheap and of high quality. You want to enrol your child in one of those *before* you know it's gender. C) You may need to apply for grants to help you out financially. Applying takes time, and often, you have to wait a couple of month until you hear about the results. There are many reasons D, E, F and G, but I'll deal with those in the next post.

And yes, in that post, I'll also write about how to tell your advisor. And your mom.