What kind of life do men have?

In today's Observer, Gaby Hinsliff, Political Editor of the Observer, has a feature titled "I had it all, but I didn't have a life", in which she describes her busy life as a journalist and mother, and how she decided to resign because she wants to spend more time with her toddler. While she surely has put a lot of thought into this difficult decision, which apparently was not easy to make for her, I am annoyed by the message that her article gives to the reader.

She practically complains that she felt that her job was too challenging for her to spend as much time with her son as she wants to. She writes:

"I used to keep a secret running tally in my head: if he woke at dawn and stayed up late enough at night, and if I counted every stolen minute, some weeks he spent more of his waking hours with his parents than his nanny. Then I could feel I was still the one raising him: but too often, the scales tipped the other way."

This is all well and fine, but, honestly, who cares? I do not know Mrs Hinsliff, and the life she describes is the life of many other women who not only work because they like their job (and hence have the opportunity to quit) but also of those who work to feed their families.

From her article, one can deduce that she does love her job and her family. Switching perspective to a stay-at-home mum, who we have heard often enough crying "I have no life" makes me wonder what the title "I had it all but I didn't have a life" was really supposed to mean. She has (had) a fulfilling job and a family. What more can one wish for? Of course, the cry for more part-time options is evident here. This brings me to my second point.

One commenter puts it nicely:
"A man becomes a father. He loves being with his kids.

"Darling, I can't do this any more, I've decided to give up work" he cries to his wife.

Her reaction?

Ecstatic joy?



About time too?



Or...

"What do you mean give up work? How are we going to pay the bills?"




It's a wonderful thing, a sense of entitlement. Depending on gender."

In my opinion, fathers need to emancipate themselves, claiming the right for parental leave of absence instead of maternal leave. In an age of breast pumps et al. it is still mostly the mother who feels the urge to quit her job and stay at home. It is simply not yet accepted in the society that fathers take a leave of absence when their children are born - and if they do, it normally hurts their careers.
If it would be normal for parents to share the chores of childminding, the problem of combining motherhood with a career would be much smaller, and most importantly, it would be divided between both genders, making it more a problem of all the society rather than that of a minority (well, half of the population).

My main point is: articles like this one do not help the cause of any working parents, be them female or male. To cite another commenter:
"All this focus on "working mothers" rather than "working parents" just reproduces the idea that women are ultimately responsible for childcare and reinforces the pressure on mothers to manage everything, strengthens the feeling that dads should be the main breadwinners and feeds the vicious circle of unequal pay between men and women […]"