more on work-life balance

Thanks to long closure times of our daycare we're taking quite some days off this time of year. Which allows us to enjoy our kids and for a short time forget about work. Although I am frequently thinking about my projects & manuscripts, - sometimes I wonder whether such "time off" doesn't actually make my work better because I use the time to think about it in much more detail than would be possible in our normal-day busy schedule. It usually gives me new inspiration and motivation, and just after two free days I already consider to spend some time writing this evening, once the kids are in bed. I like thinking about science and my projects, - it doen't feel like work if I do it during my holidays. Now, this sounds paradox.

Anyways, the Fia family has had a wonderful christmas, with great presents and great food. Kids prepared baked apples - no recipe here, just let me note that throwing together some marsipan, brown sugar, walnuts, cinnamon and raisins, stuffing this into apples and then baking it at not too hot temperature in the oven will give great results. If you can make some custard sauce with real vanilla in it, it's a treat.



I can also tell you that purposely falling in the water when playing silly games with the Wii balance board is *hilarious*. At least for our kids.



They literally are rolling on the floor laughing.

Work-life balance

or how to make two hungry scientists and two tired children happy

I realise that good food makes me happy. But, in the stressed life of a scientist between bench, laptop, daycare and home there is not much time left for cooking, not to mention grocery shopping.

Still, I do not want to give up good, home-made food. It makes me happy, relaxes me and is of major importance for me in my work-life balance. The time it takes to make a good meal is full worthwhile the relaxation I get out of cooking and eating well.

I found that there are a couple of things that make it easier to achieve, and that actually help me survive my otherwise crammed-full daily schedule. Most of the stressors can be taken out, in a way that they also are a relaxing and joyful experience.

The time I spend with my children buying locally grown food at the small shops in our neighbourhood or when we chop up vegetables and cook together counts as quality time for us.
Although it may sound quite stressful, there are a number of good reasons to have our children help us with cooking:
#1) they loooove it. Dearly.
#2) The learn how to cook. Our oldest can already use the microwave, fry stuff and bake cookies. The youngest can put cheese on top of lasagnes, pizzas et al. We secretly hope that one day they'll be able to cook on their own, such that we can rotate cooking duty as it was tradition in MIAs family when he was young.
#3) They learn to be more independent and gain trust in their own abilities.
#4) I learn that they can be more independent and gain trust in their abilities.
#5) They are much more likely to eat when they've contributed themselves. Significantly.
#6) I enjoy it. Once the kids are trained not to touch hot pots and pans and ovens, once I got used to always place knifes out of their reach, it actually is relatively stress-free. It relaxes me.

And, since x-mas is upcoming, I'll treat you with a super-fast, children-friendly, tasty and satisfying dish for the parent scientist with little time. It may even make your kids try asparagus!
I warn you, though, it is not for those of you on a diet! But those of you who nurse babies, do hard fieldwork, stay up long hours in the lab or next to a crying baby, those who are pregnant or otherwise have a good appetite will love it.

Time cooking, incl. preparation: approx. 30min

On your way home from daycare, stop at a good supermarket. Drag kids out of car. Let oldest carry grocery basket or let him ride in front of the trolley. Hurl the younger one into the trolley or make her hold hands with her brother. That way, when they get lost, they get lost together.

Buy:
* green asparagus
* shii-take mushrooms (give youngest the package to play with while you continue)
* rump steaks, nice ones
* oven fries (the tasty ones)
* nice red wine
* cream (let oldest fetch it)
* parmesan (a piece, not the stuff that's already grund - *shudder*)
* whole peppercorns (if you don't have them at home already) (tell your kids what pepper is, how it's made and why the peppercorns are red/black/green - depending on what you got)

Hurl kids + groceries back into car. Drive home. Sing christmas songs with kids on the way.

Get out of car + enter kitchen. Turn on oven for oven fries. Get out the cast-iron pan your grandmother seasoned. Let oldest add fat to pan (something with not too many saturated fats like sunflower oil or margarine - we want to at least pretend that we take care or our blood vessels). Heat up pan, forbid kids to touch it because it will be vulcano-hot. Do they know what a vulcano is?

Oldest may open oven fries bag with scissors - under your or your partners supervision. Youngest can then distribute frozen fries on (cold!) oven plate. That will keep her busy for a while. Make your partner clean mushrooms and asparagus :-P.

When pan is hot, hot, hot, throw in steaks. Let oldest kid watch, but make sure he knows it's vulcano-hot! Count to 60. Turn steaks (they should have some colour by then). Count to 60 again (can the oldest count to 60?) - turn down heat to very low, cover pan. Set alarm to 3 min (or more if you have really thick steaks, or if you don't like them medium). Wash asparagus. Get out one of these really practical plastic bag thingies, insert asparagus + a pinch of salt, close bag. Instruct oldest to put in microwave for 5 minutes. Does he recognise the 5 on the microwave? - Once we started having him using the microwave, he got surprisingly very fast very good in it.
Check on youngest. Pick up all fries from ground. Place on oven tray (depending on the state of your floor, you may want to get new ones instead).



Place in oven, remarking on how hot it is!

Have oldest pull out a piece of aluminium foil.

Check steaks. Press on them with your index finger. It should feel like the top of your hands feel between your thumb and index. If it's softer, it's still bloody. If it's tougher, it's well done.
Pour some of the fat over the steaks. Turn once, pour fat again over them.
Take out, place on aluminium foil, fold in, make oldest fold close. Place somewhere moderately warm.

While your partner helps the kids lay the table, add the mushrooms (and, depending on your blood pressure, maybe a bit more margarine) to pan. Fry them well, you may find you need to turn up the heat again.
When they are done, add a handful of peppercorns and fry for half a minute. Add a glass of redwine (have some for yourself, if you're not pregnant!). Let cook for a another half minute. Stir stuff in pan. Add half a glass of cream. Stir well. Let boil. Add starch, if you must. Salt and pepper sauce/gravy to taste.

Have oldest grind some parmesan. Get out asparagus, place on plate. Youngest will put cheese on top. Will be all in one spot. Praise their cooking abilities.

Get out fries. Peel steaks out of aluminum foil. Pour any liquid in sauce.

Serve.

This led to our kids eating asparagus. We were very surprised.
Mushroom sauce + meat + asparagus = comfort food.
Fries + ketchup = kids are happy, too

Ahhh. This saved my day.

Time for my annual review

Last year around this time, I wrote that I do not like to make a review of the last year, because nothing much happened in 2008. Instead, I made two lists, one unrealistic one, on what I wished for 2009, and one of realistic things I wished for.

This time it is different. A * lot * happened in 2009. And I feel it would be worthwhile to go back to said lists to see what I accomplished:

Unrealistically, I want from 2009:
1. a job that pays enough to pay english-speaking daycare for two kids
DONE, - actually pretty fast into 2009, and while it doesn't pay a lot, it pays enough. Plus, it's a very nice post-doc.
2. preferably in a warm country which has extraordinarily good food
Ummm. The first one is a clear NO, and well, we do have several really good take-aways around the corner, which for sure is an improvement.
3. an Au-pair who also does the dishes or alternatively comes from another country with extraordinarily good food and who cooks for us, actually, what I want is a full-time household help, with excellent cooking skills.
No. Nonono. But since I still enjoy cooking a lot, and #1 is fulfilled, who cares?
4. a sauna or hamman near our house or work
Actually, there is one at our uni pool, I just don't use it very often. I should. # resolution for next year: use sauna + pool more often, - during lunch break, maybe.
5. bike-able or walkable home-work-groceries distances
Done. Tons of supermarket options. Excellent.
6. a herb patch in the garden
I got myself a table with lots of herb pots on it. Plus a nice bay tree. I need oregano next spring. I also need to finish my little space for growing my own veggies before spring.

For an unrealistic wish list, not bad, he? Now, down to earth:

Here is what I want from 2009 (realistically):

1. build a solid basis for my future as a scientist
Ummm. Does a job and 3 more pubs. count?
2. affordable day care
Done - not that we're rich or anything, we barely make it, but we make it.
3. defend my thesis
Done
4. gain more self-confidence in myself as a researcher
I tend to compare myself with people higher up the hacking order, which leads to me not being extraordinarily self-confident in general. I did get a bit better, but there's still room for improvement.
5. learn how to deal with university politics and learn how to be tactfully, but strategically diplomatic
I got better, but by far not where I want to be.
6. feel less bad when I don't want to do things I don't need to do but some people would like me to do (this sound a bit complicated)
Actually, I just turned somebody down on a request that would have eaten up my research time and paid me off nothing else but a reputation to be "easily" convinced to do boring stuff. I considered the consequences - would someone important be unhappy with me if I decline? Would I be regarded as unsupportive? Would it damage my reputation? The answer was a clear "NO" - and then I declined, and didn't feel bad about it. Well done.
7. be less stressed out when I interact with people, especially with my partner and family
Partly improved. Partly stasis. I am surely more relaxed than I was in Dec. 2008, but again, there's still room for improvement.
8. start running again (didn't run since my last pregnancy)
Done. But I stopped again. Because I'm pregnant again. I do some other sports, but nowhere enough to count.

I am clearly not a socially skilled person. And I apparently cannot differentiate between realistic and unrealistic goals. Many of the items of my 2009 realistic list can go on my 2010 list. Which I'll compile another day.

random

I know I am not a regular any longer, - the reasons are at the moment unbloggable. Still, a random bullet point list:

* I think I am experiencing micro- sexism from a guy I have to deal with work wise. Lucky me it's not a colleague or someone important. It's annoying nonetheless and I am not sure what is the proper way to deal with it.

* offspring develops insanely fast. #1 writes and starts reading. It's scary. #2 speaks its opinion (and commands at us!) loud and clear.

* daycare situation improved. Also we are hiring a babysitter for the first time since moving here. That means also it will be the first time in a long time where we'll be out only the two of us.

* how long does journal xy give authors whose work I commented on to reply? Or, to formulate in another way, when will you give me the thumbs up on publishing my paper (- they say it's great as it is (after x- revisions) and want to publish it but need to wait for a reply). It would be such a nice x-mas present. Pleaaaaseee?

* why are computers so difficult? and why can't I have a CV card reader with a USB? Or, why can't they sell laptops with a serial port?

*expecting a nice electronic gadget for x-mas. yay.

* need holidays dearly. 7 days to go.

* am thinking of doing a "dear-so-and-so" thing, - that would cover my rbp very well and let me vent. Next time.

What kind of life do men have?

In today's Observer, Gaby Hinsliff, Political Editor of the Observer, has a feature titled "I had it all, but I didn't have a life", in which she describes her busy life as a journalist and mother, and how she decided to resign because she wants to spend more time with her toddler. While she surely has put a lot of thought into this difficult decision, which apparently was not easy to make for her, I am annoyed by the message that her article gives to the reader.

She practically complains that she felt that her job was too challenging for her to spend as much time with her son as she wants to. She writes:

"I used to keep a secret running tally in my head: if he woke at dawn and stayed up late enough at night, and if I counted every stolen minute, some weeks he spent more of his waking hours with his parents than his nanny. Then I could feel I was still the one raising him: but too often, the scales tipped the other way."

This is all well and fine, but, honestly, who cares? I do not know Mrs Hinsliff, and the life she describes is the life of many other women who not only work because they like their job (and hence have the opportunity to quit) but also of those who work to feed their families.

From her article, one can deduce that she does love her job and her family. Switching perspective to a stay-at-home mum, who we have heard often enough crying "I have no life" makes me wonder what the title "I had it all but I didn't have a life" was really supposed to mean. She has (had) a fulfilling job and a family. What more can one wish for? Of course, the cry for more part-time options is evident here. This brings me to my second point.

One commenter puts it nicely:
"A man becomes a father. He loves being with his kids.

"Darling, I can't do this any more, I've decided to give up work" he cries to his wife.

Her reaction?

Ecstatic joy?



About time too?



Or...

"What do you mean give up work? How are we going to pay the bills?"




It's a wonderful thing, a sense of entitlement. Depending on gender."

In my opinion, fathers need to emancipate themselves, claiming the right for parental leave of absence instead of maternal leave. In an age of breast pumps et al. it is still mostly the mother who feels the urge to quit her job and stay at home. It is simply not yet accepted in the society that fathers take a leave of absence when their children are born - and if they do, it normally hurts their careers.
If it would be normal for parents to share the chores of childminding, the problem of combining motherhood with a career would be much smaller, and most importantly, it would be divided between both genders, making it more a problem of all the society rather than that of a minority (well, half of the population).

My main point is: articles like this one do not help the cause of any working parents, be them female or male. To cite another commenter:
"All this focus on "working mothers" rather than "working parents" just reproduces the idea that women are ultimately responsible for childcare and reinforces the pressure on mothers to manage everything, strengthens the feeling that dads should be the main breadwinners and feeds the vicious circle of unequal pay between men and women […]"

Animal rights

Ah, - my blog. It still exists, while I ignored it what, how long? Six weeks! That's nearly exactly how long about that live-changing event that is looming on us. But more on this later. For now, I simply want to share this:


Fig. 1: I had to laugh out loud when I saw this. Found on graphjam.

I especially like the "cooking it".

In which I get mistaken for what I am not twice

We have a monthly movie-night-out in our lab, where everybody can go to. It started this semester. I told the organizer that I'd come tonight, but that I wasn't sure since my son had a bit of a temperature. Her reaction was: "Oh, you have kids? It's too bad, this month we're watching a movie in which no children occur, maybe next month will be more interesting for you!"

...speechless...

This has never happened to me before, - being reduced to a mother. *I can be a mother and at the same time interested in movies where no children occur.*

Fig. 1: Me being solely interested in children, their education and a tad-bit in needlework. Please don't bore my life with media not covering any of those topics.

It led to me not going, - which is probably bad because I tend to isolate myself socially, and it doesn't help to have kids for this. Still, I am not going. While her comment was inconsiderate but surely not on purpose so, it still made me being less interested in meeting more people like her.

Fig. 2: Me staying at home, watching Lassie. Please note my shoes. They rock.

The other time where I have been mistaken for what I am not is a nicer occasion. My blog got listed under the Top 100 Science Professor Blogs, this blog is listed as number 11(!!!!). Wow. But: I am a post-doc, not a professor (yet - wishful thinking), but the list is cool nonetheless. Go check it out!